Overlord Academy

I have unwittingly discovered a new torture device. Take whatever group you wish to torture and put them to work on a project. Give them a very definite deadline. Force them to work long hours, with constant promises of reward and potential future opportunities. When the deadline arrives, keep everyone awake and ready in case of any problems, for three days. Finally, instead of granting any sort of break or relief, put them back to work demanding more of their time, energy, and will to live. After a week of that, they will be willing to do anything.

While anything can be potentially bad for you, the Evil Overlord, for an individual skilled in torture, this can be a great asset. You will quickly recognize the breaking point, and be able to direct the pending explosion skillfully to achieve many of your goals. Goals that include removing the competition, getting media attention, or even just practice. The point is, you have now learned about a very effective torture tool. Any victim who happens to survive this torture method, will be able to wear the mantra, “I’m not dead yet.”

Bureaucracy is a beautiful thing in any government. It is the greatest asset any governing body has in keeping the peasants at bay. Without all the red tape, the peasants would be constantly hounding you and your subordinates for anything and everything under the sun.

Paperwork is the backbone of a great system of red tape.  Long and cryptic forms force the weaker minded human subspecies out of scope, leaving only the truly determined, and potentially dangerous, peasants for the government to truly have to worry about. These few can then be micromanaged and bounced from department to department long enough for the real decision makers to decide how to handle the particular threat.

Although the proverbial paper trail is slowly vanishing, internet forms can be just as complicated, and even more troublesome than their paper counterpart. The forms can be hidden in such a way, that it is next to impossible to find and fill out. The only thing that you want to be easy, is payment of the fees. Anything that can pad the treasury is a good thing.

Change all forms on a random schedule, but always in the middle of a major sporting event. This will confuse the fools even further as they tend to browse the internet a lot right before a game, make a decision during the game, and then act after the game. By the time they act, the game has changed, and they are caught completely unaware.

This red tape can even be used within the government to keep the different groups from banding together and potentially staging a coup. Coups of course, tend to be bad for the health of the Evil Overlord.

An added bonus for the Evil Overlord, is that a special document can be set up that is easy to fill out, trumps all other orders and forms, and only available to the Evil Overlord that speeds up all processes, and gains him instant gratification of any want and/or desire. Thus making life hard for others, and easier for yourself.

Start now in writing up the red tape plans, they take time to create, and when finished, can be a true work of art.

If you ask any stranger, and especially any beauty pageant contestant, what the single greatest thing they want to see, the answer invariably is world peace. They give this answer, not because they desire world peace, but because it is supposed that that is what others desire and want to hear. When we get right down to it, mankind individually desires power, wealth, and total dominion of the surrounding world. Peace is not the desire, but more often than not a byproduct of absolute rule.

As the world currently stands, we have multiple countries, competing against multiple religions, all wanting their force their ideals on those around them. The only reason they want to force their ideals on others is because at some point, something important to their beliefs occurred in someone else’s land. Contention ensues, and war begins. People say they want world peace, but it will never happen as long as everyone believes differently.

That is where we step in. As we take over the world, continuity begins. The same military and police forces enforce the rules of the empire. Everyone becomes equal, except for the french who will be crushed into oblivion. Everyone hates france so what does it matter? Childish quarrels over holy lands will cease the moment of detonation. If the land is no longer valuable, the fighting will end. If the fighting continues, both fighting forces will be captured and publicly executed. The message will quickly spread that fighting will not be tolerated, and peace ensues. It has been stated by others, but it applies to this situation, Peace through Domination.

If anyone ever states they want world peace, enlist them into your plans. If they truly desire world peace, they will sign on. If they do not truly desire peace, they will make up some excuse and give you plenty of room. Helping you out either way.