Overlord Academy

This just in! The online courses have begun! Race over to YouTube (Run don’t walk) to get signed up! You won’t want to miss a single video!

The introductory episode is here –> https://youtu.be/CF4LPfyMZ_8

It is currently being debated in the dark depths of the U.S. government about how we will reform the Health Care System. Personally, I feel that the Obamanites are doing us all a huge disservice. Socialized medicine does not work! I have seen the health care system in Russia and I fear for what will happen here. Over there you went to the hospital to die, not get better. Everyone knows that the Canadian system is a joke. Why is it that we want to follow in their footsteps? Should we not be leading the way instead of following?

Yes, Health Care Reform is important. Yes, everyone should have easy access to Health Care. Healthy individuals are more productive than unhealthy ones. How can our empire thrive on sickness? It is important however, to first analyze and determine what exactly is wrong with the current health care system. It is obviously the cost. Why is it so expensive? Several reasons, but most stem back to personal greed.

The average American is now considered to be obese. In other words, the average American has accumulated enough fat as to be detrimental to their personal health. Obesity has been directly linked to all sorts of diseases and medical problems. Taking care of these problems is very costly. Since health insurance is a shared plan between a large group of people, everyone’s rates go up in an effort for the insurance companies to make money. I have to pay more money to keep the fat slob, three cubicles over, alive and functioning. Shared costs is understandable, and actually can be beneficial. But when an entire nation is big and fat, us skinny guys are paying way more than we should!

The first change that the Overlord Health Plan will include is that your rates will be partially based on how much fat you are carrying around. The more you have, the more you pay. The less you have, the less you pay. It is only fair that you pay your fair share. Maybe then some of you fat people will actually stop stuffing your faces with those cream filled doughnuts, get off your lazy butt and exercise!

The other price driving factor is the malpractice insurance that doctors are forced to pay. Frivolous lawsuits are costing us billions! As malpractice costs go up, so do the doctor’s standard rates. Malpractice insurance is important but the monetary compensation needs to be brought back down to reality. As well as making the doctors responsible for their mistakes. They should be required to go back to school, or temporary license revocation. They should learn from their mistakes not move on to do it again.

Finally, health care should cover our health. It should not cover frivolous things such as breast enlargements, gender switching and a whole list of other personal greed like and controversial topics. Health care should either be to keep me healthy or to get me healthy again. Keep productivity up from everyone’s benefit. Child production, weight loss, longevity, all covered. Planned parenthood covered. Abortion, unless medically unsafe for the mother, not covered. Dumbest idea I have ever heard of, reducing future workforce because it would be inconvenient for a few people. What do you think parenthood is? A walk in the park?

Health care reform is important, but let us make sure we are aiming for the right target. Fix the problem not bandage it.

What you wear as an Evil Overlord is very important, as discussed earlier. There are some articles of clothing that should never be worn, ever, by anyone. These pieces of clothing should be banned from society, with a very severe punishment allotted for law infringement. Anything spandex is straight out, wrong. What it shows off and removes from any need for an imagination is wrong. No matter how attractive you may think you are, spandex is not the way to go.

This leads us into swimming suits, since they can be made of like material. If you are planning on walking around, not actually out in the water at the beach or pool, then you need to cover up. Big, skinny, tall, short. I do not care, cover up if you aren’t swimming. The reason for this is simple, and leads into our next article of clothing, shorts.

Unless you are in private, or involved in an activity like swimming or other sport, do not wear shorts. The reason for this is simple. Take a good look at yourself in the mirror. Odds are you are pasty white to begin with. If you were to go out in the sun dressed like that, the rest of us would be blinded from the glare. Next, the odds are you are extremely underweight and therefore have chicken legs, or you are larger than you should be, and have excess skin flappage. Again, no one wants to see that. But wait, you say. I have perfect legs, and a beautiful tan! No I doubt it. There are so few perfect legs, with perfect coloring, that you should really stop trying to kid yourself. Your legs are hideous, and I do not want to see them!

Shorts are bad. I do not want to see you in them. Unless of course, you are one of the small handful with a perfect body and image. For the viewing enjoyment of everyone, you may wear shorts. You may apply for a short license at any public relations office. You will be put through a strict test, measuring color, drool factor of the opposite sex, muscle tone, length, and other good taste judgments. It is not an easy test to pass. Those who fail the test will be executed for forcing the test administrators to look at your hideous legs.

It has come to my attention that as an Evil Overlord, you should not say, “Bless You.” You are evil, and you do not want to bless people. Instead you want to curse them in some way. Let them know that you feel nothing for them, and that you hope that their health worsens. After all, if they are ill, they will have a greater struggle to overthrow your empire.

Nor can you walk around saying, “Curse you!” People will just think that you are mad and angry, and maybe you want to kill them. I am not saying that you do not want to kill them, but you do not want to let them in on the fact.

Since the traditional way to bless someone is the German word, gesundheit, it would be best to use a German word to not bless someone. The opposite of healthy is diseased, and the German translation of disease is krankheit. Therefore, whenever someone sneezes, you should respond with the proper krankheit. Go on, give it a try. Say it outloud. Does that not feel good to say?

Update June 27, 2007 – Something I overheard recently, which I find very appropriate: Pestilence upon thee.